Clutter Connoisseur

You are an expert when it comes to clearing and controlling clutter.

In fact, clutter is never an issue because it’s never allowed to accumulate to such a scale that you need to spend any time clearing or sorting it. Some might say you’re too good at deciding what you should keep and what you should throw away. When you’re clearing your clutter there are only two options – keep it or throw it away. You don’t need more than those, and you are happy being ruthless about things. If you haven’t used it in the last 3 months it goes, regardless of how much it cost or the possibility that you might possibly use it at some time in the future. You don’t have time to waste on ‘what might be’ scenarios. You live in the here and now, and right here right now you either need it or you don’t.

If you have pets, children or partners, they know better than to leave anything lying around the home because they know that within a matter of minutes the item will have disappeared and either be instantly returned to it’s proper place or thrown away.

You have no such thing as a junk room or cluttered drawer and you never fear anyone turning up unannounced. If asked what was in your attic, garage or hall cupboard you would be able to name 80% of the items, the other 20% being items that have been put there by someone else and are items that you didn’t know about.

Your motivation is knowing that if anyone popped round unexpectedly they’d notice (and maybe even comment) on how immaculate your home is, perhaps even taking a little pride in your guests not feeling 100% comfortable in your home or wondering just how it is that you can have such an immaculate, clutter free home.

If you were asked where certain things belonged in your home you’d be able to answer almost instantly. You wouldn’t need to have time to think about it.

Newspapers and magazines are thrown out or recycled as soon as they’re read, and any interesting reference material or articles in them are cut out and placed in a dedicated folder which is regularly reviewed and any articles or reference material you haven’t used in the past year is thrown away.

You can’t understand why anyone would need the help of a clutter clearing expert and if you’ve ever seen the TV programmes that focus on the issue of de-cluttering you wonder how anyone could live in such a cluttered state. To you the solution is simple – a skip for everything you didn’t know was there.

Celebrities who are Clutter Connoisseurs:

Anthea Turner in The Perfect Housewife
Bree from Desperate Housewives
Stephen Fry
Keira Knightley
Gordon Ramsey – watch out, he might close your restaurant down if you don’t keep it spotless!

Ideal jobs for the Clutter Connoisseur

PA – organising someone else is a must for a PA
Wedding Planners – no room for disorganisation
Lawyer – you have to account for every 6 minute period so you can’t be disorganised
Chef in a top class restaurant. Any food clutter and health and safety would want a word
Health and Safety Officer.
Scientist – you can’t afford to let any clutter affect the results or contaminate a scene.
Royal Butler
Some might say a wife…..! I’ll say no more…