SMART BOUNDARIES

If you are not achieving your weekly and End of Term goals, it might be because you don’t have SMART boundaries in place to protect your Clutter Clearing Journey time.

If you don’t protect your Clutter Clearing Journey time, you won’t get into a routine of ‘Do the Doing’, get more comfortable with letting go, clear your clutter, and create the habits you need to stay clutter free Forever. It really is as simple as that. You are not too busy. There are very few genuine emergencies that require you to get involved in. You know as well as I do that you won’t do your Clutter Clearing Journey if you aren’t following your weekly planner.

Why are Personal Boundaries Important?

1. They help us to define who we are because they help us to maintain our COMFORT ZONE by protecting us and providing a sense of safety and security.
2. Boundaries help us maintain our COMFORT ZONE, they also help us achieve our needs, priorities, LIFE GOALS and Best Life safely.

They help us to tell other people what’s important to us and a priority in our lives by giving us the confidence to say NO, NOT RIGHT NOW or YES – to things that we do which in turn helps us to manage our discomfort and stress in particular situations.

If you are not achieving your weekly and End of Term goals, it might be because you don’t have SMART boundaries in place to protect your Clutter Clearing Journey time.

If you don’t protect your Clutter Clearing Journey time, you won’t get into a routine of ‘Do the Doing’, get more comfortable with letting go, clear your clutter, and create the habits you need to stay clutter free Forever. It really is as simple as that. You are not too busy. There are very few genuine emergencies that require you to get involved in. You know as well as I do that you won’t do your Clutter Clearing Journey if you aren’t following your weekly planner.

A boundary isn’t just a belief system – it’s the ENFORCEMENT of that belief system

The SMART Boundaries concept was created by Dr. Jillian Roberts – a child/adolescent psychologist and professor of educational psychology. It consists of 4 circles, one inside each other. I’ve added a 5^th circle for adults – significant other.

• The SELF is you. Imagine your Wheel of Life in this middle circle. It’s your INTERNAL boundary that is your moral compass. It represents your comfort zone of safety and security, your needs, priorities, life goals and Best Life.
• SIGNIFICANT OTHER is whoever you share your inner most thoughts and feelings with.
• FAMILY is where people who you love you and love you unconditionally sit. These are the people who will always protect, respect and nurture each other. They may not be blood relatives.
• FRIENDS are people who you have a bond with and affection for – they inspire and support you.
• The IN-PERSON COMMUNITY are people you interact with IN PERSON, face-to-face on a semi-regular basis. So colleagues, volunteering, extended family, neighbours etc.
• ONLINE is potentially 5 billion people who we don’t meet IN PERSON.

3 Types of Personal Boundaries

When we talk about personal boundaries, there are 3 types to consider.

1. HEALTHY

Healthy boundaries are where we:

• Have defined our Best Life
• Know and value our own opinions, needs and goals
• Don’t prioritise other people’s needs and goals above our own
• Don’t compromise our opinions, needs, goals and values for others (i.e. don’t people please)
• Share our personal information APPROPRIATELY.  The word appropriately is important here. It would be inappropriate to share your financial situation with someone you’ve just met for example, but it wouldn’t be inappropriate to share your financial situation with a financial advisor you’ve just met
• A healthy boundary is when a person knows what they want and need and can confidently

communicate those wants and needs when appropriate

• A healthy boundary is when we are accepting of other people saying NO to us – and visa versa.

2. POROUS

You know you have a porous boundary when:

• you have difficulty saying ‘no’ to any requests from others
• You get over-involved with other people’s problems
• You’re dependent on the opinions of others – perhaps because you want to be liked
• You have a fear of being rejected if you don’t say yes or get involved

You may overshare personal information, and at the extreme, you may accept other people disrespecting you or even abusing you.

1. RIGID

This is the exact opposite to a porous boundary. Someone who has rigid personal boundaries tends to:

• avoid any type of mental, emotional or phyiscal intimacy
• protect their personal information at all costs
• become defensive and suspicious when anyone asks for any personal information
• is unlikely to ask for help
• has few close relationships
• may appear detached and keep people at a distance to avoid the possibility of rejection.

Put Healthy Boundaries in Place

1. Clarify your needs, priorities, LIFE goals and Best Life for the ‘self’ circle by doing your Wheel of Life Review
2. Be clear about how much TIME you need on your weekly planner each week to work on your needs, priorities, life goals and Best Life that will keep the ‘self’ circle healthy
3. Make a list of people who are in each circle NOW
4. See what boundaries you currently have between each circle NOW. Are they healthy, porus or rigid?
5. Decide who you WANT in each circle
6. Decide what the boundary WILL BE between each circle and the ‘self’ in the middle – what behaviour and how much time you will give / accept
7. Decide how you’re going to PROTECT your bounadries so you can meet the needs of each circle and most importantly YOUR NEEDS in the SELF circle in the middle.

This may be uncomfortable to do because it may highlight WHY you’ve not protected your time to do your Clutter Clearing. I bet that if you have porous or ridged boundaries it’s because you don’t know what your priorities are, have clear boundaries or know who’s in which circle. You treat everyone the same.

You can clear your clutter fast, or you can clear your clutter forever, but you can’t clear your clutter forever, fast.

To find out how Clare can help you clear your clutter Forever, without the need for an expensive home visit, click here now: https://www.clutterclearing.net/clares-help-centre/