We might tell people that we’re OK with living with our clutter, but that’s only because we don’t want them to start putting us under pressure to just get rid of it all FAST.

Although we know that just getting rid of our clutter won’t solve anything (we might even have tried that and found the clutter grew back), we don’t know how to explain or defend our clutter to other people, so it’s just easier to tell them we’re OK with it.

Here are 10 reasons why living with clutter is not a choice, and clearing it isn’t as simple as ‘getting rid’ of it.

1. Unresolved Trauma

We haven’t just buried and lost physical things in our clutter. We’ve buried and lost memories, emotions and trauma in our clutter too. When all you can see is what’s on top of the piles, and you know there are some things that will trigger uncomfortable or even painful memories underneath what you can see but you’re not quite sure where, it’s understandable that you’re going to avoid removing that top layer of visible clutter in case you get a shock from what lies beneath it.

I once had a client who knew that amongst her clutter was a bullet her abusive husband had sent her. She had therapy to deal with the feelings and memories from that period of her life while she was on steps 1, 2 and 3 so that when she found that bullet, she wasn’t immediately sent into the panic zone.

2. Stuck in Clutter Keeping Cycle

Those of us who struggle with clutter are stuck in a Clutter Keeping Cycle. We’ve tried to clear our clutter numerous times. We’ve had blitzes. We might even have let go of some things in our clutter, but then it just all grows back again. We incorrectly interpret that as a sign that we have no choice but to be this way and that we need to learn to live with our clutter.

3. Clutter Blindness

We don’t choose to be this way, just as a rabbit doesn’t choose to get run over when it’s looking into the headlights. Our clutter makes us feel overwhelmed.  After a while, when the feelings of overwhelm don’t go away, we go into denial and stop looking at or even noticing our clutter – what’s known as Clutter Blindness.

4. Perfectionism – Making Decisions

Those of us who struggle with clutter are perfectionists, and we put ourselves under the pressure and expectation of making the ‘perfect’ decision. We want guarantees that letting go won’t turn out to be a mistake, especially if we’ve come to regret our decisions in the past. Of course, you can’t guarantee the future, which means the perfectionist rarely makes a decision because of the risk attached to it, and consequently never clears their clutter.

Our clutter represents our never-ending search for the perfect decision so we can avoid those uncomfortable feelings triggered by the overwhelm, the number of possible future scenarios, fear of failure, regret and stupidity. The irony is we still feel all those negative feelings because we end up living with the clutter and feeling overwhelmed when we look at it, like a failure for not being able to make a decision, stupid for not being able to let go, and regret that we’re missing out on our Best Life because of it.

5. People Pleasing

Often our clutter is about trying to please other people, or believing it makes them need us. Many people become the ‘family archive storage unit’ to please family members who don’t take responsibility for their belongings when they leave home, or siblings who are too busy to go through the belongings of a loved one when they die, yet won’t pay towards keeping the inherited items in a self-storage unit instead of your home. Sometimes, because we know that we’ve regretted letting go of things in our clutter, even when other people tell us we can ‘get rid’ of their things in our clutter, we keep it ’just in case’ they change their mind in the future.

6. Coping mechanism that makes us feel safe

Our clutter is our comfort zone. As much as we don’t want to live like this, after more than a year of living with the clutter it becomes strangely comforting and familiar. It may look like chaos to outsiders, but often we know roughly where things are, and that makes us feel safe. If you clear the clutter, you won’t know where things are and that will cause anxiety. You’ll be familiar with this if you’ve ever had to move things in a hurry for visitors, emergency work etc. Things are moved which causes anxiety and even new trauma that needs to be dealt with and processed before you can continue to work on your clutter. Everyone wants and needs to feel safe in their home. We don’t choose to live with our clutter. We just want to feel safe in our homes.

7. Unrealistic expectations

Linked with perfectionism, when we decide not to live with the clutter anymore and we start going through our clutter, our expectation is that it won’t take more than a day, a week, at the most a couple of weeks. We expect to be able to spend 8 hours a day making decisions for as long as it takes until it’s all done. Either we – or those ‘helping’ us – expect us to be able to make ruthless decisions about what to keep and get rid of. 

However, the reality is very different and instead of adjusting our expectations to be more realistic, procrastinate by telling ourselves that we’ll try again when we have more time, more energy, feel less overwhelmed – a time of course, that never comes.

8. Fear – Negative experiences

It’s simple. We don’t choose to live this way, but we also don’t choose to relive the uncomfortable feelings or traumatic memories that are buried in our clutter.

9. Habits

Bad habits aren’t a choice – they’re a habit. Even when we do manage to let go of some things in our clutter, because we are not in a routine of letting go regularly, and because we have a habit of accumulating things on impulse, we can’t maintain a clutter free home and life.

10. In-Time

We rarely choose to deal with our clutter because we are predominately in-time, which means we’re impulsive and always seeking the next dopamine hit, which we don’t expect clearing our clutter to give us.

You can clear your clutter fast, or you can clear your clutter forever, but you can’t clear your clutter forever, fast. To find out how Clare can help you clear your clutter Forever, without the need for an expensive home visit, click here now: https://www.clutterclearing.net/clares-help-centre/