I was talking to my husband today about the people we have met in the past who have positively changed the course of our lives, yet who are no longer part of our lives in the present.

It made me realise that it’s often people who don’t stay in our lives Forever that have the biggest impact.

This is something many people realise when they do the LIFE Timeline exercise on the Journey. They notice the people who were only in their lives relatively fleetingly yet contributed significantly to a positive change in the direction of their lives, sometimes even helping to break a pattern of negative behaviour.

For me there are 2 people who stand out on my LIFE Timeline as having positively changed the course of my life. One of them BCC (Before Clutter Clearing), and one ACC (After Clutter Clearing).

The first was my first therapist, Meg. My parents sent me to her when I wanted to leave University soon after I started. After a Gap Year in South America and having seen a completely different side of life to my privileged upbringing, I didn’t see the point of learning about things I would never use at a practical level. 

My parents wanted me to stay because I was the first person in our family to go to University. I was at University College London, one of the 3 top universities at the time, so it had prestige. I wanted to get into the world and start making a difference. Meg was very pragmatic. ‘What would you do if you weren’t at university?’ she asked me. ‘I don’t know….’ I replied. ‘So, why not stay and learn while you figure out what you want to do?’ And that’s what I did.

I didn’t find out until much later how my parents found Meg to send me to her. My mother is very anti- therapy, and believes she’s dealt with all her issues. Ironically, she was the one person in our family who didn’t go to see Meg, yet she needed to the most. My father, brother and I all saw Meg for years. With hindsight, much of that was because we needed support to deal with issues relating to my mother.

It was my father, however, who was the key link. He had been leaning on a family friend for emotional support for years, and it had reached a point where it was becoming intrusive on her life. She knew Meg and passed on her details so my father could get the professional help and support he needed. 

Then, when my brother clearly had issues that he needed help to deal with, many related to his lack of a relationship with our dad, my dad sent him to Meg. That ended when my brother first attempted suicide.

So, unbeknownst to me, Meg knew a lot about our family dynamics and dysfunction before she even met me, which probably explains why she seemed to understand me so well right from the start. I didn’t know about narcissism or ‘Good Girl Syndrome’, yet she identified and discussed them in our first session.

How did Meg positively influence my life and change its course? Ten years after my first session with Meg, and a few months after clearing all my clutter I went to see Meg because I had no idea what my Best Life looked like in terms of work. I was drifting and lost in life. I didn’t feel challenged or fulfilled in any of the jobs I had had. I didn’t have a meaningful relationship, the only support I had from my parents was financial, and at the age of nearly 30 I thought ‘is this it?’.  

I needed Meg to help me figure out my life purpose because my own efforts hadn’t got me very far. At the age of 16 I had done some tests to get some Careers Guidance, and I returned to the same place 14 years later to get retested. The results were the same, yet still, none of the recommended careers interested me. They were very much jobs to me rather than passions.

I will never forget what Meg said. ‘You don’t need therapy. You need to find your passion. Do this course called N.L.P (Neuro Linguistic Programming). It will give you skills that are helpful in any job, it will help you shift your thinking, you’ll meet likeminded people, and it might help you find your passion.

She was right! The N.L.P. lead me to recognise my passion for helping people and learning. I decided to see if anyone might be interested in knowing how I had cleared my clutter, so I spent £50 on a small advert in a local letterbox magazine offering my services. And that’s where this madness began…..!

Having discovered my passion, and having had my first few clients, I told my parents in excitement. Sadly, they didn’t share it because they didn’t understand why anyone would pay me to help them declutter. I told them, ‘just because YOU wouldn’t pay me to help doesn’t mean other people won’t.’  I had finally found my passion and my voice. Yes, Meg was someone who positively changed the course of my life.

The second person to positively change the course of my life was Loretta – a neighbour of mine who I only knew for 6 years. She was similar in age to me, but her life had taken a very different path. Married in her teens, she had a husband and two junior school age children. Her husband worked in the family business where she also worked part-time. She was in with the school mums, and I would often join them in the afternoon for a glass of wine after the school run.

How did someone with a life so different to mine change the course of my life? After her husband confessed to an affair and she threw him out, that same night she repainted the marital bedroom revenge red, got a little drunk on red wine, and went online to a dating website. She filled in her profile with the caption ‘say hello and I’ll send you a naked picture of me’. Unsurprisingly she got a lot of men saying hello’…. and she duly sent them a naked photo of herself. Aged 3, on the beach on a family holiday.

Obviously, by doing this she attracted the wrong kind of man if you want a long-term stable relationship, but at that point she just wanted and need to feel wanted and needed. The point is, she wasn’t afraid to try something new, and her determination to take a risk and try online dating inspired me to give it a go. 

So, I tried it. Not the whole ‘I’ll send you a naked picture’ thing but online dating which was still very new in 2004. I had cleared my clutter, found my passion, and the next thing I needed to fulfil my Best Life vision was to meet someone to share my life with.

Within 4 months I met the man who became my husband. We were both nervous and cautious, so we were friends for 8 months before it turned into anything more. Strangely, we both continued internet dating while meeting up as friends, and it was while I was speed-dating in London that I realised Keith was the one. I found myself texting Keith while a trainee doctor was telling me (in our 3 minutes together) that he thought my boots were sexy. I thought he was creepy and told Keith so by text, who then offered to drive the 40 minutes into London to pick me up in his car. I declined, but it made me realise I’d already found the person who I wanted to share my life with.

If I hadn’t met Loretta, I wouldn’t have tried online dating. If I hadn’t tried online dating, I wouldn’t have met Keith. If I hadn’t met Keith who loves and accepts me ‘just as I am’, I wouldn’t have met his father Frank who showed me what unconditional parental love, acceptance and support looks and feels like. If I hadn’t experienced those two things, I would probably still be practically and financially dependent on my parents, just like my brother was his entire life.

Neither of these people are still in my life. Meg died in 2006; the year I got married. I lost touch with Loretta when I moved away in 2006. However, I will be forever grateful to both Meg and Loretta for changing the course of my life for the better. 

I take comfort from the thought that we can all make a difference to other people, however fleetingly they may be in our lives. As the saying goes:

“Sometimes, all it takes is a brief encounter 

to change the course of your life. “

Jean-Claude Izzo

You can clear your clutter fast, or you can clear your clutter forever, but you can’t clear your clutter forever, fast.

To find out how Clare can help you clear your clutter Forever, without the need for an expensive home visit, click here now: https://www.clutterclearing.net/clares-help-centre/