It’s 25 years since I started creating the 7 Step Journey, 23 years since I became completely clutter free Forever.

Although clearing my clutter was all about clearing my physical, visible clutter in my Physical Environment / Clutter segment of my Wheel of Life, not only did it also enable me to find fulfilment in my Work segment of my wheel which in turn improved my physical and mental health segment of my wheel, it also improved my Finances segment as I completely stopped my impulse spending.

However, it was the Significant Other segment of my wheel where an earthquake of change far beyond what I could have ever imagined took place.

As I was nearing the end of my Journey the film ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’ (2001) was released. It’s a film about a single woman in her 30’s called Bridget who is trying to improve herself and find love, capturing her daily thoughts by writing them in her diary. In that film there’s a wonderful a quote that has been quoted by many, experienced by a few. It’s where the lead male character, Mark Darcy, who is Bridget’s love interest, tells Bridget: 

‘I don’t think you’re an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother’s pretty interesting.,,,, But the thing is, um… what I’m trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact… perhaps despite appearances, I like you. Very much. Just as you are.’

It was the stuff of fantasy….. or was it? Like many, I felt like Bridget could have been me. That’s probably why the book and the film were so popular. But I never imagined I could – or would – find my own Mark Darcy.

By Millennium Eve when I resolved to figure out how to clear my clutter Forever, I had had only 2 relatively healthy and happy significant other romantic relationships in my life as a frame of reference. I’d kissed a lot of frogs, found a couple of Dukes, but not my Prince.

My first genuine and honest romantic relationship when I first experienced real love was with Dave. We went to the same school, and it was after a school trip that our friendship blossomed and turned into a relationship. His birthday was on Valentine’s day – a good omen of things to come! Dave was very shy, but so easy to talk to, genuine, and caring.  He was in the same science classes with one of my best friends, a tall blond, pretty girl and naturally I assumed that he’d be more interested in asking her out than me. But it turned out he liked me – just as I was. 

Imagine my surprise when, after prep one evening at the beginning of term, he came over to my study and asked me if I would go out with him. I remember it clearly – he asked me, I said yes, then he got up, punched the air and bent down to kiss me. Perfect. 

Dave was the kind of genuine, caring, respectful man I wanted to be with. For 3 months we had an intense relationship. It was my first experience of someone just being happy to spend time with me, interested in my thoughts, feelings and options about things. It was so comfortable and easy to be with him.

On my 18th birthday he bought me a teddy bear which I kept for years. In fact, I found it when I was clearing my clutter all those years later. I could really see our relationship going somewhere, despite us being so young. Then one day he came to my study and said we were spending too much time together; he needed to study more to get the grades he needed to go to his preferred University. I understood, taking comfort that it wasn’t me, it was for the sake of his future, although the thought of only having him in my life as a friend was devastating. Within a month of us splitting up he was dating my tall, blond, pretty friend. My trust in men was shattered (not for the first time), and I admit that went a bit cuckoo for a while.

My next experience of a genuine, deep connection and feeling safe and secure in a romantic relationship was with Bob who I met when I was in South America. Bob was a builder (don’t laugh) and 27 years old than me. Although he was only 2 years younger than my parents, just like Dave he was so easy to get on with, talk to, and he made me feel safe and able to be my true crazy self around him. 

Just like Dave, Bob was genuinely interested in me, my thoughts and feelings, and really listened. He made me feel wanted and needed. He would say many times that his feelings didn’t make sense given the age difference, but of course feelings are feelings, independent of logic and reason. When you get a connection that’s all that matters. 

For over two years, we spoke on the phone for hours every Sunday. I stayed with Bob when I went to South America, and he stayed with me when he came back to the UK on leave. Unlike with Dave, this time I ended it when he called to make arrangements for his next leave. He worked abroad so there was no real future. It was time to end it. I’ll never forget what he said in our last call. ‘One day you’ll meet someone who deserves you. I just wish that could have been me’. 

That was it. Just two healthy, happy and equal romantic relationships on which to build my vision of my significant other in my Best Life – and neither of them were my 1^st fiancé…. hum…. He only spent time with me when he wanted prestige or money – or both.

It wasn’t much to go on. My therapist Meg suggested I compile the learning and feedback from Dave and Bob to help me get clear about the qualities of what I wanted my future significant other to have. 

I wrote a list of all the qualities that Dave and Bob had that I wanted in my future romantic significant other relationship. They both embodied the Mark Darcy qualities from the Bridget Jones’ Diary film: likes and accepts me, just as I am.

Then I wrote a list of all the negative qualities that unsuitable men I had dated had and used that to list the positive opposites. It wasn’t a quick exercise, and it definitely made me think about what I really wanted and needed. I’m driven by personality, not looks, so it was a challenge to articulate the qualities I wanted.

By the end of 2001, just as I was clearing my last area – my garage – my Bridge Jones Mark Darcy list was complete. I knew what I wanted, and I knew how to recognise him. I knew what to avoid, and when to say ‘no’ to another date with a man. I was ready.

It would take me 2 ½ years to finally meet my Mark Darcy, dating a lot of frogs in the process. I decided to brave the new world of online dating which was scary and crazy but also lead to a few good dinner party stories! It also led me to eventually meet my Mark Darcy, the man who later became my husband – Keith.

Just like my previous experiences of Dave and Bob, I took it slow with Keith, in part because, like Dave he was very shy. We both came from emotionally dysfunctional families, so we became friends before it turned romantic – not that he’s ever been romantic!

Over the last 20 years we’ve grown together, learnt how to navigate our emotions and communicate effectively together. We’ve got through the bad days, tough weeks and tough years by allowing each other the space to be ourselves and be vulnerable, knowing that uncomfortable doesn’t mean you have to give up. We’ve learnt to trust each other. We’ve supported each other through grief. We’ve grown in the same direction as we’ve continuously evolved to become the best versions of ourselves, living our Best Lives in the present. He supports and accepts me unconditionally, and I him.  He is the best qualities of Dave and Bob, rolled into one, and more.

When I started clearing my clutter, I thought Mark Darcy was just a writer and film makers creation. However, I now have proof that if you dare to dream, you’ll find someone who accepts you ‘just as you are’.

You can clear your clutter FAST, or you can clear your clutter FOREVER, but you can’t clear your clutter FOREVER FAST.

To find out how Clare can help you clear your clutter Forever, without the need for an expensive home visit, click here now: https://www.clutterclearing.net/clares-help-centre/